Hallelujah, I'm A Bum!

That is, if bum = unemployed. I'm equally thrilled and horrified at all the free time that I now have. I'm proud to say I did not sleep in today (at least not past 9) and went out for a little run. I felt pretty miserable afterwards--it'll take some time before I can make it all the way 'round the Pond--but I'm feeling good now.

Apart from one concession to daytime TV (Ellen DeGeneres, which puts all other daytime TV to shame), I've been doin' stuff: kitchen cleaning, bedroom straightening, laundry, and of course, a little job searchin'. I have so much to do--learn how to write cover letters again, bring my printer back to life, weed out which websites aren't gonna do me any favors--so maybe I really do need all this time.

OSCAR

I'm not even gonna try any Oscar predictions this year. Too many publications have already beaten me to the punch with their "will wins" and "should wins" and frankly, I agree with most of the former (and a few of the latter). It's pretty certain that The Return of the King will sweep nearly every category it's in, and Lost In Translation's only chance for an upset is in the Original Screenplay race. Charlize Theron and Tim Robbins are highly likely (and deserving) to win, and it could go either way with Murray vs. Penn or Zellweger vs. Aghdashloo. Anyway, no one could've predicted Adrien Brody or Roman Polanski last year, so who knows...

Personally, Lost In Translation is ten times the film The Return of the King is (and make that fifty for Mystic River), Tim Robbins gave the best performance in his film by far, I wouldn't mind seeing Sean Penn lose for a fourth time; nor would I mind Renee winning for the first time, either.

My dream wins (however unlikely) would be American Splendor for Adapted Screenplay and "A Mighty Wind" for Best Song. However, I'll be happy if they keep the show under four hours (do I hear three?) and especially giddy if normally affable host Billy Crystal doesn't sing another one of his lame nominee medleys.

OSCAR-MAYER

I have some of their weinies in my fridgie, and my roommate had bologna for lunch.

Thanks to James Lileks, a product you most definitely should ask for by name.

Also, one that you should thank George Rector for.

Best John Mayer (middling pinup singer/songwriter) rumor I've heard to date: He's a member of the Oscar-Mayer family and heir to the processed meat conglomerate's fortune. Given how his new album is sinking, maybe he could use a little hot dog dough (though I doubt it.)